Riding the crimson wave
Perimenopause. It's quite common to read about it these days, which for me, is refreshing. After all, it's a natural and beautiful phase of life. Like puberty.
My newsfeed is full of interviews of celebrities sharing their experiences with hot flashes, weight gain, mood swings, sleep disturbances, changes in hair and skin, and more.
There are articles written by doctors, nurses, naturopaths, health educators, journalists, and perhaps your neighbors that define perimenopause and explain the difference between that and menopause.
There are recommendations on lifestyle habits that can alleviate symptoms, increase libido, and prevent weight gain. I've seen ads for supplements that guarantee to eliminate all those undesired symptoms and articles that explain the benefits of hormone replacement therapy.
One thing I've never seen, however, and I've done a lot of research on this topic for clients and myself, is how to navigate the "OH SH!T, am I pregnant?" Moments that I imagine are quite common when cycles start to change more than they already have.
Sure, the articles talk about how cycles will change in regard to frequency, flow, and the intensity of cramps. One might get their period every two weeks, for example, or notice more spotting between periods. One's flow might increase tenfold, or lighten to being barely there. It might last only a day or two…or two weeks. Cramps might disappear or become unbearable. But not once have I read an article or seen an interview of someone saying, "My cycle has started to become a little more irregular than it already is, and this month my body isn't showing the usual pre-period symptoms and I'm later than I ever have been before and I think I might be pregnant. Should I take a pregnancy test?"
My friends and I talk about our perimenopausal symptoms but haven’t yet talked about the emotional ride of wondering, despite the low chance, if we might actually be pregnant. It is much more difficult to predict ovulation at this point and we all should know by now that abstinence is the only sure way to prevent pregnancy, outside of hysterectomy or oophorectomy. Or vasectomy or tubal ligations, but I've read a few articles on unexpected pregnancies even after one undergoes one of those two latter procedures.
My GYN, who is amazing, has told me that "it only takes one (egg and sperm)," so regardless of the low statistical chances of becoming pregnant during perimenopause, the chance is still there. Hence, a freakout seems on track to me if one is wondering if they should invest in pregnancy tests during a stage of life when becoming pregnant is unlikely, if Aunt Flo is late.
I recently wondered out loud to one of my fellow perimenopausal warriors how many pregnancy tests are taken during this stage of life. Her response? "The most!" I have no data to back that, however, but I did become curious about the packaging of such tests. Shouldn't there be a brand of them geared toward people of a certain age? One that isn't so…pink and blue and innocent? For example, one that says, "Oh hell, I didn't think I'd be buying these again" might be appropriate, in large-sized font, of course, due to our changing eyesight and need of readers.
I don't have any challenges or guidance in this post for you, but I do have a message. If you find yourself in a mini-panic wondering if you’ll be receiving Mother Nature’s gift this month, you are not alone. You are in good company.
Wait…I changed my mind. I do have a challenge for you today. If you find yourself wondering if you or your partner should take a pregnancy test, go ahead and do it, but also talk to someone. Ask your friends who are in the same stage of life, ask parental figures in your life, ask your doctor or health coach or therapist, whether they ever had similar experiences and how they felt and managed them. There is no "right" way to navigate this, but we can learn from, and support, each other.
Even if you don't have a menstruating uterus, ask questions to learn how to support those with transitioning hormones.
I'm a huge believer in the personalized approach, so I rarely tell someone what to do. In fact, I only have one piece of parenting advice: do whatever gets you through the night (as long as no one is harmed and as long as everything is within the scope of the law). My advice is the same for this: do whatever helps you through this unpredictable stage, as long as no one gets hurt or breaks the law (though the risk of harm and unlawful activities might be higher here with an increase in irritability and decrease in tolerance for nonsense, so I'm emphasizing the do no harm and keep it legal parts). I'm happy to discuss strategies and share what I've learned, but you are the one who knows yourself the best. Happy transitioning.
