Just being

I did nothing today. Absolutely nothing. For about 20 minutes. That time was an oasis, a nirvana, a break from planning, scheduling, troubleshooting, navigating, managing, coordinating, creating, responding, monitoring, moderating, mediating, supervising, stressing, reading, watching, and doing. I did not eat. I did not sleep. I did not laugh, sing, hum, whistle, or listen to music, an audiobook, or podcast. I didn’t bounce my leg or shake my foot. I didn’t even wiggle my fingers or toes. For 20 minutes.

It wasn’t easy.

I kept wanting to think. And plan. And solve problems and coordinate. I kept remembering my lists (to do, to schedule, to plan, to research, to buy, to call, to download, to follow up).

But, I did my best to let those thoughts go and to let my mind wander and notice. I remembered a story I was told about how my great-grandmother would regularly look out the window and when asked what she was looking at, responded “I’m looking at all the different shades of green.” I let my lungs breathe. I let my heart beat. I let my nervous system settle. I noticed that I had a headache brewing under the surface. I felt the sleeves of my shirt resting against my arms. I noticed that my right nostril seemed to have better airflow than my left. I felt some gurgles in my stomach from my breakfast. I listened to my breathing. I let myself be. Allowed myself to exist. Present in the moment, not trying to change anything.

I did nothing, yet felt accomplished. After those 20 minutes I felt rested, I felt relaxed. I felt that my capacity for doing had grown. I felt more open, willing, and able. I felt more grounded and settled and more “put together.” Less frayed and frazzled. Calm. Clear minded. More decisive. Determined to find more 20-minute opportunities to Be instead of Do.