Motivation

I’ve been thinking a lot about motivation this week. Probably because I’m reading a book on behavior change but also because I’m finding it hard to achieve one of my personal goals.

I’m in the very early chapters of the book and the section I’m in now talks about how motivation is fickle and not a great foundation for making changes. I agree with the fickleness of motivation, but this sentiment directly contradicts some of the training I’ve had that says knowing one's deep and personal motivations for change are essential for change to successfully happen. To support this dichotomy, I can’t tell you how many clients have told me that they just need to find their motivation. And, at the same time, I can’t tell you how many clients have told me that they are motivated, but just can’t make the change. So which is it?

For my personal goal that’s challenging, I know I want to do it and I know why it matters. I feel better - I feel absolutely fantastic, in fact - when I work to achieve that goal. It is realistic and impacts several areas of my wellbeing. I have done it before consistently and was noticing the long term effects of practicing this habit on a regular basis. So why is it so hard to do now?

I’ve talked with a few other coaches about this and one of them asked me what happened when I stopped this habit. All I can think of is that “life” set in. That part of life hasn’t gone away, which is a good thing, but because of “life” it’s been hard to reincorporate some of my self-care tasks. I feel motivated, but find myself getting stuck.

I also recently watched a TEDx talk about finding purpose. Change, motivation and purpose all tie together, but which comes first? Or even second? And, does it depend on the person? Does it depend on who you ask or which book you read? How many books are there, anyway, on finding motivation, making changes and/or finding purpose? I do believe that thoroughly exploring motivation is essential but without purpose, strategies and support, motivation is simply not enough.

This is part of the beauty of coaching for me. We are all unique individuals and what works for me may not work for my husband. Motivation may be enough for my son but not enough for my daughter. Coaching takes all of this into account. Your coach works with you to help you find your personal “secret sauce” to making changes. It might be motivation, it might be purpose, it might be strict discipline or habit pairing. Perhaps your sauce is more part of a combo-meal or manager special that changes based on weather or mood. I’m noticing that my secret sauce has changed over the years, especially as I enter a new stage of life. My main point here is to not get caught up in what you “think” you should do. The only way to make successful changes is to learn what balance of ingredients work for you, not for someone else. There is no one-size-fits-all coaching approach. Please excuse me now while I go schedule my next session with my wellness coach.

*Doctors need their own doctors, therapists need their own therapists and coaches need their own coaches