Words matter
Words matter. From a young age I was taught, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I have (hopefully) taught my kids about being kind with their words when speaking with others and about themselves.
My family has had - and continues to have - many discussions around which words are not, and may or may not, be appropriate and whether the setting or situation impacts the appropriateness of the words they say.
We have talked about disagreeing respectfully.
We’ve discussed how tone and body language and volume of words matter.
I have gritted my teeth and restrained my tone and volume, trying to demonstrate those facts (not always successfully).
We’ve practiced respectfully and graciously accepting gifts in order to make sure our words reflect the thoughtfulness of good-intentioned gift-givers and not necessarily the gifts themselves.
Words matter and context matters. I have spent a lot of time editing, reviewing and creating documents for myself and other companies and have gotten into some intense discussions around some of those words...because words matter. I remember one of my graduate school professors reinforcing this sentiment as she unsuccessfully tried to suck in the words she just said to demonstrate that words cannot be taken back.
Why is it that we often pay the most attention to words said by people who have little impact on our daily lives? Words said by the people who know us the least seem to hold more merit than the words said by the people who truly know us the best. And why, when words matter so much and when we engrain that concept into our children and are shocked when we hear words that contradict the “if you don’t have anything nice to say…” concept do we readily accept without any question the harsh words, criticism and lack of respect that happens in our own minds - toward ourselves? I’m not sure we even hear all the words we tell ourselves. Some words end up as part of our identity and being. We just “are” or “are not” without even thinking of the words we are using to define ourselves.
We often worry about hurting the feelings of others more than we worry about hurting ourselves. Much of our internal dialogue needs to be challenged. The words that say we’re not enough, the words that lack self-respect and the words that are just “not nice.”
I challenge you to talk to yourself the way you would talk to a dear friend, a loved one, a child or your pet. Words matter.
